I was talking to an OCD sufferer and his wife.  We were talking about all sorts of stuff.  Somewhere in the conversation, they got me into thinking about how I got over OCD.

As a quick background, I used to have OCD.  Actually, I have OCD but a little bit now.  I had OCD for 17 years.  I used to be on medication but no more.

So how did I do it?  I am not totally sure.  It wasn’t just one thing.  I think it was combination of things.  But there was one tip that I shared to the OCD sufferer.

Come up with a mental hook that you can rely on that is going to carry you through OCD.  This hook is going to help you reassure you when you go through OCD episodes.  Getting reassurance from others is not a good thing, and it doesn’t help you get over your OCD.  But if you can reassure yourself that is a different story.  The hook is an idea that you might have to create on your own.  It has to be rational and it is something you have to believe.  The idea has to give you a reason, big or small, why you shouldn’t listen to your OCD thoughts or respond to them.  Think of a reason not to do the rituals.

If you’re lazy, use it to your advantage. I am a bit lazy at times and I don’t feel like doing things, and doing rituals is one of them.  Doing rituals is time consuming and I would rather not do them.  I would rather do nothing than do rituals.  So if you’re normally lazy, be lazy with the rituals.

So when you get an OCD episode, remind yourself of that mental hook because that hook is going to remind you that you have been through this before and the hook is going to give you a reason why the OCD thoughts are flawed.  The OCD feeling may not go away right away.  You might have to withstand the full brunt of the fear but that hook is going to help you hang in there.

I had scrupulosity OCD and my mental hook was “You can’t pray based on OCD alone.”  At first, the hook sounds a bit odd but when I thought about it is sort of true.  I had all sorts of OCD thoughts about devils, spiritual contamination, 666, and ending up in hell.  Then one day I came up with this mental hook.  I was dwelling on this one OCD episode for about one or two hours, not doing any rituals, but just thinking about it.  I didn’t want to do any rituals and I was thinking of any reason not do to the rituals.  Then I came up with this crazy hook.  It sounded strange but it was sort of true.  So I asked non-OCD people about the hook to see if it made sense.  It made sense to them.  That hook became my reason to stop the rituals (well for the is particular OCD).  It was probably the beginning of the end of OCD.

Coming up with these crazy but profound ideas is nothing new.  I think Einstein came up with the Theory of Relativity just by looking about an elevator and a clock tower.  The origins of an idea may sound nutty but in Einstein’s case, he probably realized that he was on to something and he believed it.  He pursued it.  Other physicists at the time probably thought he was nuts.  Despite the ridicule, Einstein went ahead and later an astronomer proved that Einstein was right.  It is probably true for many great inventors.  They come up with a crazy idea, they believe it, they pursue it, and despite the ridicule and criticism, they were proven right.

Think of an idea, crazy or not, big or small, that will give you a reason not to do the rituals nor believe the OCD.  The idea has to be believable and it is got to be logical because it has to withstand the fear of OCD.  If you were lazy before, be lazy with the OCD.  Don’t seek reassurance from others because it doesn’t work in helping you get over OCD.  But if you can reassure yourself, all by yourself, then you have a mental anchor that will help you withstand the winds of OCD.

I had this idea for some time.  So I decided to write it…

I had scrupulosity for way too long.  But now, I am over it.  I am done with it.  I still have OCD thoughts now and then, but I just ignore them and move on.  (It is important to move on as much as you can.  Ignore them or just deflect them.)

There was one notion that I believed that helped me get through scrupulosity.  And here it is:

– You cannot pray on OCD thoughts alone.

I came up with this notion during one of my OCD dwelling.  (I used to dwell a lot whenever I went through my OCD episodes.  Instead of doing rituals, I tried to figuring a way out of OCD without doing rituals.)

So what does this mean?  Let’s say you want to pray.  It takes concentration and deep thought.  You’re making an effort to pray.  There is some coherency.  There is usually a reason to pray.  There is usually a rationale to do it.

Now, take OCD.  They are random thoughts.  They are unwanted thoughts.  There is no rhyme or reason.  There is no coherency because they are random.  When I mean random, I mean random.  You have no control.  The thoughts just happen.  Unpredictable.  You really cannot plan OCD.  OCD is irrational.

So how in the world can you pray based on random thoughts?  You would have no idea what you would be praying for.  You may not be praying.  You might be thinking about who would win the next football game.  If they are random, then it is like gibberish.  Gobbledygook.  Random is like noise.  It is like listening to someone who changes the subject twenty times in one minute.  You wouldn’t know where the person is going in the conversation.

So how can you pray based on OCD?  Your mind might go blank with no OCD.  Then again your mind might be flooded with unwanted thoughts.  So how can a rational person pray on unwanted thoughts?  Usually a rational person would pray using wanted thoughts.  Usually when you pray you want to convey something.  I have never heard of a prayer when you don’t want to convey something.

So when your OCD thoughts are going off the deep end thinking of the most outrageous things, just remember – it means nothing.  It is not a prayer.  It carries no weight.  It is noise.  It just scares you, because you thought about it.  The thought is not real.  It is an unwanted thought.  When I mean unwanted, I mean nobody wants it.  Nobody wants the responsibility of it.

Before I end, I have another belief that might be helpful.  Here it is:

– The devil cannot do anything unless God allows it.

So if you think God has got your back, then don’t worry regardless of any of your OCD thoughts.

Scrupulosity, I think, is one tough form of OCD to contend with.  The thing with scrupulosity is that it is not tangible but a concept.

Other forms of OCD such hand washing or counting things involve something tangible.   You can confront your fear by doing or not doing a physical action and over time you would realize that nothing bad is going to happen.  For instance, if a person doesn’t wash his hand for a day, the hand-washing sufferer might realize, after prolonged angst, that he is not going to die.  The proof is in front of your eyes.

Scrupulosity on the other hand involves total belief.  For me it was this idea that if I did something wrong, something bad might happen, like going to hell.  I had other forms of OCD which coupled with scrupulosity like the fear of hitting someone when driving.  So for instance, if I heard a sound and thought I might have hit someone, I would be compelled to find out because if I didn’t and I did hit someone I might go to hell.  I believed this.  In my mind, the only way to find out if I am going to hell or not was to die.  Drastic isn’t it.  So why take the chance?  I did whatever in order to prevent myself from going to hell.  In a nutshell, it was the fear of going to hell.  Who wants to go to hell?  Trying to convince me that I wasn’t going to hell was a tough nut to crack.  How do you prove that a person wasn’t going to hell?   Just to make sure, I was doing things to prevent myself from going to hell.

Ironically, I was already in a form of hell.  My life miserable trying to do all these rituals.   I was tiptoeing around a moral minefield.  One wrong move; I would be going to hell.

So how did I get over this?  I am not sure.  One year ago I used to think this profusely.  But now, I don’t think this at all.   In retrospect, there are a few things I learned.  You really don’t know if your going to hell or not.  No one knows.  My suggestion:  Just be a good person and enjoy life.  If you screw up, just ask for forgiveness and move on.