Actually it has been 2 years and 4 months.  I am still not on medication.  I haven’t seen a psychiatrist for very long time.  I still see a psychologist though but we mostly talk about other things besides OCD.  OCD is so infrequent now that I don’t have much to say to the doctor.

It is too bad that I spent all those years wasted on OCD. 17 years. I have to play catch up now. But I have no regrets getting over OCD late in my life. Better late than never. My view of the world is still clear as glass without the OCD. It is a great experience. Better than all the years in the past. In a way, I would not want to be 27 again with the OCD. I would rather be 46 without OCD.

Somebody put a comment that I should tell others about how to get over OCD.

This is a tough request because it is frustrating even for me now, a long-time suffer, telling another sufferer how to get over OCD. Most sufferers know I had it because I would describe what I used to do and I would try talk to them in a way that they understand. Sufferer to sufferer talk. But even then I get this sense that there is this extreme psychological barrier on their part that makes it difficult for them to believe what I telling them.

The following statements are my own opinions and are based on my own experiences. They are glimpses of what to expect. I am not a doctor or a researcher. However, I used to be an OCD sufferer for 17 years.

YOU have to do the homework.

The medication isn’t going to cure you. They’ll help you manage the anxiety. I know of two instances of temporary relief. One person took a non-SSRI and he said that his pure-O thoughts stopped. I later saw him again and his thoughts came back. I took Celexa and my OCD thoughts stopped…for two weeks. During those two weeks, I could not produce an OCD even if I tried. It was fantastic. Unfortunately, it did not last. The OCD thoughts came back. Even though I continued taking Celexa, that mental bliss never came back.

I am not saying that medication is totally worthless. There were times they did help. One time my anxiety was out of control (I had to quit my job, because if I didn’t I would have been fired). I was prescribed Klonopin and my anxiety dropped. Unfortunately, Klonopin is addictive so the medication provided short term relief.

The psychologist isn’t going to cure you either. They’ll tell you what you have to do to get over your fears. However, they cannot talk you into health. And this makes sense, because if you see a doctor for anything, he’ll prescribe you something, but you have to take the prescription and sometimes you have make adjustments to your lifestyle. In the end, you have to make the effort to get healthy.

For these two reasons, YOU have to do the homework. You have to make the adjustments. If you’re not changing, then don’t expect things around you to change either.

There is no total cure for OCD

I hate to burst your bubble, but don’t expect to be totally cured. I still have feelings of OCD now and then. However, the feelings are so infrequent, like once every 2 to 3 weeks, that I’ll take the once per 2-3 weeks, than every waking moment every day for 17 years.

When I do get the OCD feelings, I know what NOT to do. After 17 years of OCD, I know what OCD feels like and I know when the feeling starts to build, but I also know what not do because if I do respond to the OCD than I run the risk of regressing.

On a side note, many people do OCD-ish things sometimes, meaning non-sufferers do OCD-like things. It is just they don’t suffer from it.

When you’re cured, you are barely going to manage anxiety

I know I just said that there is no cure but there is difference between absolute, or total, cure versus practical cure. An absolute cure is unrealistic, but there is a degree of a cure that for practical purposes it’s a cure. When you’re cured, you are barely going to experience anxiety hopefully for the rest of your life. The reason –all the things you fear, you not going to think about them anymore because they don’t scare you anymore.

I remember talking to a sufferer who believed that she would have to settle managing her anxiety for the rest of her life. I told her that if she gets to where I am at, she doesn’t have to manage her anxiety because she isn’t going to have anxiety anymore.

When you’re cured, you will not think like what you did when you had OCD.  You will think different.

When you’re cured and you look back to what you were with OCD, don’t be surprised that you’ll say to yourself, “What the hell was I thinking?”

This goes back to what I said before that you have to do the homework. When you do the homework, you’re forcibly changing yourself. You’re changing your lifestyle. You’re changing the way you think!

When you seek a cure, you will have to let go of some of what you believe. You cannot take your personality with you.

This resistance to change one’s ways is not uncommon. Almost everybody is reluctant to change their normal routine and beliefs. Telling someone to go cold turkey on the morning coffee is a tough sell. Or telling someone to go from liberal to conservative or vice versa is well…next to impossible. People have a mental inertia. They are reluctant to change.

Well, like everybody else, OCD sufferers are reluctant to change too. If they break their OCD routine, they fear that something bad is going to happen. That’s why they don’t break their routine.

That’s it for now

I hope this helps in what to expect. I don’t expect everybody to benefit from what I just wrote because OCD is a spectrum of mental disorders and I just had a subset of them. I just hope that what I wrote helps somebody out there.

Here is some OCD news.  I read this a few days ago.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2633305/The-brain-implant-cured-OCD-turn-60-year-old-man-huge-Johnny-Cash-fan.html

I have heard of brain surgery used to cure OCD before.  In the book “Getting Control” by Lee Baer, there was an OCD suffer who had brain surgery to treat his OCD.  The surgery was a last resort.  The doctors had to be assured that all other therapies were exhausted.  The sufferer had the surgery and his OCD was either tampered down tremendously or gone.

On a side note, I like uplifting trance.  I have been listening to it for about 14 years.  I don’t think it made a difference with my OCD recovery however.

Then ABC aired an hour long story about OCD on 20/20 last night.  Here are some links to the story.  There are more links about the story; just Google them to see more.

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2014/05/23/teen-with-ocd-overcomes-fear-of-leaving-his-house-to-attend-prom/

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/distinction-ocd-subtypes-benefit-future-diagnosis-treatment/story?id=23842030

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/living-ocd-lifelong-battle-control-disorder/story?id=23811937

The story showed the before and after of the OCD suffers.  They were in bad shape in the beginning and 5 years later they looked pretty good.  I was surprised.  They looked normal to me.  I probably wouldn’t have noticed that they had OCD.  I think some of them were on medication and managing their OCD.

Crazy title.  I couldn’t really think of a better title, but here is the logic behind it.

I read an article that described some of the interesting qualities of billionaires.  One of them was a tolerance of ambiguity.  One person remarked that OCD suffers, like perfectionists, have a low tolerance of uncertainty.  I would concur.  Germ-a-phobes, what-if sufferers, and people with scrupulosity issues probably have the same problem.  They want assurances that they are not going to get sick or not going to hell.  They don’t want to take the risk.  They want to know.  And if they cannot know they might end up doing some ritual.

It sort of made me think how opposite ends of one trait can describe billionaires and OCD suffers.

When I had OCD, I had difficultly with uncertainty.  I wanted assurances that nothing bad was going to happen and that everything was going to be OK.

Now, I can handle it pretty well.  I run a photography business and I manage some pretty expensive projects.  A lot of things can go wrong.  That by itself would drive people nuts.  Normally, people would want some assurances that they are not going to lose money if things go wrong.  It is nice to think that there are guarantees in life, but in reality nothing goes quite as planned.  I had a model go sick on the day of a photo shoot.  I didn’t pay the model but I wasted some money because of the missed day.  C’est La Vie.  That is the way it goes.  What can you do. All I can think is to try again.

When I go on a trip, I always forget something.  It could be anything; I wouldn’t know until I am well into the trip.  The only things I do double and maybe triple check is that I have my cameras (I have two of them) and some photo gear.  If I forget small things like toothpaste, I could go to CVS or Walgreens.  But if they are both cameras, I am somewhat screwed.  I could actually go to a photo rental place and spend a lot of money for the rental but I would rather not do that.

I try to minimize the risk but you cannot eliminate them.  It could be a very cloudy day.  It could be a very windy day.  The model might get lost or stuck in traffic.  All sort of things can go wrong.  The reason I do it is because I have a vision and I intend to accomplish it.  But I digress.

On another note, I am also a software engineer and I involve myself in some pretty big projects sometimes.  I am just one person in someone’s project, or vision.  There would be investors pouring money in the project.  And there are times when things don’t go right.  The algorithm doesn’t work out right.  Somebody else dropped the ball and the whole project falls apart.  Trying to apply for a bid, and in the end, the customer goes with another product.  The customer is not sure to go with the product or not.  There is a lot things that are beyond my control.  I can just do my best and cross my fingers that down the line the project goes into fruition.

On another note, I used to be a germ-a-phobe about 20 years ago.  I used to wash my hands all the time.  I don’t do that now.  Recently, I recent to my favorite Mexican restaurant with family.  I could have washed my hands prior to eating but I didn’t.  I could have used my hand sanitizer but I didn’t.  I think I was sort of lazy.  I handled the two dirtiest things in the restaurant – the menu and my cell phone which I brought.  Regardless, I ate my food with my hands.  Did I need guarantees that wasn’t going to get sick?  Apparently not.  And guess what?  I didn’t get sick.

So billionaires can tolerate uncertainty and OCD suffers may not be able to.  I guess knowing that there is uncertainty in the path of success might be helpful in convincing yourself (cognitive therapy) that you don’t really need guarantees all the time in order to get it right.

When I had OCD, I don’t think I knew it was called OCD.  I just had these obsessive thoughts and compulsive rituals.  It would impair my normal life at times.  When I saw my doctor I was too afraid to admit that I had these thoughts and odd behaviors.  I just said I had anxiety problems.  The doctor would give me some SSRIs and see what happens.  The funny thing was that the doctor figured out I had OCD.  I saw it in his notes.

So you think you have OCD but too afraid to ask for treatment?  You might feel that there is a stigma associated with OCD.  Who wants to admit that you have a mental disorder?  You try to hide your OCD problems from your friends, family, and co-workers.  If they knew, they might think you’re nuts.  You would deny to everyone that you’re a mental case and probably deny to yourself that you have a mental illness.  You would have no problem admitting other ailments such as heart problems, a broken leg, appendicitis, melanoma, etc, but not OCD.

If you have obsessive thoughts, do compulsive rituals, and they impair your life, you have problems.  You might have OCD.  Openly talk to your doctor and admit to your doctor that you might have OCD. Don’t be ashamed to admit it to your doctor.  Seek treatment.  Seek help.  OCD is one bad mental illness and it is really tough to get over it.  You’re not doing yourself a favor by deny it to yourself.

Don’t think that you can reason or think yourself away from OCD.  Actually, you can but if you know nothing about OCD you really not equipped to handle OCD.  Don’t expect OCD to just go away.  It usually doesn’t.

OCD is a strange disorder.  It is purely irrational but yet we are compelled to do weird compulsions and have these fearful obsessions.  Normally, we should have neither.  But for OCD suffers, OCD is present throughout the day, almost every day.

My suggestion:  Recognize that if you have OCD, you have OCD.  Don’t go into denial.  Seek treatment, Go see a psychiatrist and a psychologist who specializes in this stuff.  (If you meet a doctor who says to just stop thinking these thoughts, move on to a different doctor.  Also, if you meet a doctor who criticizes you for not remembering your dosage of a medication taken ten years ago, move on to a different doctor.)  Read books about OCD.  Understand what you’re up against.

What do I recommend?  What are my observations?

• Psychologists are not cheap.  They may charge $200 per hour.  Actually, that is cheap because if you take the out-of-pocket cost of seeing a family doctor (about $75/per 15 minute visit) and extend that to an hour ($300/hour), $200 per hour is cheaper than $300 per hour.
• Understand the difference between psychologists and psychiatrist.  Psychiatrists prescribe medicine.   Psychologists don’t.
• Read “Getting Control” by Lee Baer.  Good book.  Another book that many people swear by is “Brain Lock” by Jeffrey Schwartz.
• Just an observation.  Even though you might see a psychologist, it is really up to you to do your homework.
• Learn about ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) and cognitive therapy.
• Don’t expect a cure from OCD.  Excluding myself, I only know two other people are practically over OCD.  Most people who I know just manage their OCD.  They are usually on medication and they have learned to manage their OCD.  I have heard that there is no cure for OCD.  I almost believe that because I get OCD thoughts once in awhile but they are so weak and infrequent that I can just easily ignore them.
• Even though a cure is debatable, there is hope that you can get over it.  Including myself, I only know of three people who are over it.  One went to a clinic and she was over her OCD in a matter of months.  She said that it was a very scary experience.  I think she had a lot of ERP therapy at the clinic.  Another person switched to a different prescription (a non-SSRI), and his pure O thoughts were gone.  Before he had constant violent thoughts and once he tried the drug, his pure O thoughts were gone.  (I tried the drug and it did nothing for me.)  I used a combination of the ERP and cognitive therapy and kept at it for about year until finally my OCD thoughts tapered down.  I don’t take medication anymore.
• Don’t kid yourself.  I have met some OCD suffers who are in bad shape.  I can just tell just by looking at them.  They don’t look good.  They are usually not on medication.  They have their reasons for not taking medications.  Some prefer the natural way.  Some are suspicious about taking drugs.  Some would take the medications and days later stop taking them probably thinking that the drugs are not working.  (The medications usually takes months to take effect, not days.)  It is nice to think that we don’t need to be on medication but I think there is a time when it is a good idea to be on medication (I got on medication after my mental breakdown).  Moreover, my mother could tell if I was having an OCD episode just by looking at my eyes.
• Never go cold-turkey on your medication.  This very important.  If you do, you might suffer bad withdrawals.  There is one drug that if you just stop taking it, you might go into seizures.  On other drugs, if you stop taking them, you might get flu-like symptoms.  I stopped on one of my drugs one time and my head felt very strange.  If you get into a situation when you are about to run out of your medication and your unable to get a new prescription before you run out, go to urgent care and hopefully the doctor can prescribe you enough medication to get by.
• OCD treatment is not a perfect science.  I don’t think anybody knows how a person gets OCD.  A bad upbringing was disproven.  What seems to be known is that OCD might be passed down by genetics and that OCD seems to afflict people with higher-than-normal IQs.  There is one known cause: There is a step throat infection that causes OCD.  Understanding the dynamics of OCD seems to be well known.  How the brain reacts is known.  How a person behaves are known.  However, there is no sure fire method to cure OCD.  Drug treatment involves trial-and-error.  What works for one person may not work on another.  ERP is probably the most effective method to get over the fears.
• Medication affects people differently.  Unfortunately, there is no one magic pill that cures all OCD.  Some drugs work on some people and doesn’t on others.  If you’re new, very likely you’ll start out with a certain drug, wait for a few months, and then see what happens.  Sometimes, a drug might produce adverse side effects.  (I took one pill and I was dizzy shortly afterwards.)  After many months, if a drug doesn’t seem to work, you’ll probably switch to another drug.  It is a lot of trial and error.

That’s it.  There is probably more stuff to write.  I hope this information is hopeful in knowing what to expect when you’re seeking treatment.

I almost forgot to mention that OCD is a bio-chemical problem too.  Not only is it irrational but it is a bio-chemical problem too.  If it wasn’t a bio-chemical problem, then why are there many OCD suffers taking SSRI medications?  So before you think that there are dark forces out to get you, just remind yourself that OCD is irrational stemming from a bio-chemical problem.

That’s about it.